Today, my boyfriend asked me if I have ever or would ever fake an orgasm. I assured him that I wouldn’t, when he has actually never given me one. I didn’t have the heart to tell him. FML
Sounds like you’ve got a good marriage of trust and honesty. Good luck with that
Today, I was pissed that I got a £60 parking ticket so rang my friend to rant about it. I then got pulled over by the cops for using my phone, and was fined £120. FML
Today, my 6 year-old cousin went missing while I was watching her. I called the police and they said they got a call about a child walking around Walmart with a shopping cart full of toys. I went down to Walmart and found out that it was her. The police officer gave me a $500 fine. FML
“while I was watching her“… You keep using that word… I do not think it means what you think it means
Today, I gave my friend a ride to town so she wouldn’t have to pay the $10 to park. While waiting to pick her up, I grabbed a bite to eat. Upon returning to my car, I found a $55 parking ticket on my windshield. FML
Today, I was eating dinner with a friend when a really hot guy came up and introduced himself. He told us he was vegetarian, and I wanted to impress him so I told him I was too… I was eating a steak. FML
Lying about yourself to get in someone’s pants: always a good idea.
Today, I found out that my husbands secretary named her new baby boy after my husband. Everyone at the office thinks it’s funny. My husband says it’s a coincidence. FML
Um, it is a coincidence. Lots of people have the same names as others.
<cough>paranoidpsycho<cough>
Today, I lost my job. I was so upset that I put in my favorite mix CD of all the songs that get me feeling better. While scanning for my favorite song, I hit the car in front of me. FML
Today, my boss texted me to say the office was closed because of the snow. I begged him to let me go in anyway because I had nothing to do all day. I have no life, friends or hobbies. FML
Here’s an idea! GET A HOBBY
Today, I received an envelope from my boss. I opened the flap to peek inside and the paper was pink. Freaking out, I then told my entire branch what I really think of them. The pink slip turned out to be a party invite. Guess who’s no longer invited, or employed. FML
Because not reading things and telling people off are always both great ideas.
Anonymous asked: Your comments on FML posts make my anger issues look petty. Chill the fuck out!
The FMLs in question don’t make me angry, they make me sad.
Either way, if you don’t like my comments, feel free to not read them.
Cheers!