Today, my boyfriend asked me if I have ever or would ever fake an orgasm. I assured him that I wouldn’t, when he has actually never given me one. I didn’t have the heart to tell him. FML
Sounds like you’ve got a good marriage of trust and honesty. Good luck with that
Today, I was pissed that I got a £60 parking ticket so rang my friend to rant about it. I then got pulled over by the cops for using my phone, and was fined £120. FML
Today, my 6 year-old cousin went missing while I was watching her. I called the police and they said they got a call about a child walking around Walmart with a shopping cart full of toys. I went down to Walmart and found out that it was her. The police officer gave me a $500 fine. FML
“while I was watching her“… You keep using that word… I do not think it means what you think it means
Today, I gave my friend a ride to town so she wouldn’t have to pay the $10 to park. While waiting to pick her up, I grabbed a bite to eat. Upon returning to my car, I found a $55 parking ticket on my windshield. FML
Today, I was eating dinner with a friend when a really hot guy came up and introduced himself. He told us he was vegetarian, and I wanted to impress him so I told him I was too… I was eating a steak. FML
Lying about yourself to get in someone’s pants: always a good idea.
Today, I found out that my husbands secretary named her new baby boy after my husband. Everyone at the office thinks it’s funny. My husband says it’s a coincidence. FML
Um, it is a coincidence. Lots of people have the same names as others.
<cough>paranoidpsycho<cough>
Today, I lost my job. I was so upset that I put in my favorite mix CD of all the songs that get me feeling better. While scanning for my favorite song, I hit the car in front of me. FML
Today, my boss texted me to say the office was closed because of the snow. I begged him to let me go in anyway because I had nothing to do all day. I have no life, friends or hobbies. FML
Here’s an idea! GET A HOBBY
Today, I received an envelope from my boss. I opened the flap to peek inside and the paper was pink. Freaking out, I then told my entire branch what I really think of them. The pink slip turned out to be a party invite. Guess who’s no longer invited, or employed. FML
Because not reading things and telling people off are always both great ideas.
Anonymous